MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 025

I feel like we could avoid some of this unpleasantness if we made the Mad Arts a required part of the curriculum again.

Unnamed Sorcerer:

The Golden Knight and Alice are up to some good old-fashioned adventure, as they travel into the land of Kongola to seek out the cause of mysterious disappearances of people in adjoining Kooran. Just where are Kongola and Kooran? I'm going to say somewhere in what is now the United Kingdom since that that is where the Golden Knight is headquartered, but they could literally be anywhere given that he has started visiting his supernatural brothers in-law on the Moon and the Sun and thus has an interplanetary range.

Kongola turns out to be a good place for adventure, as it is filled with magical and monstrous threats including:

- hypnotic illusions

- carnivorous trees hiding behind those illusions

- club-wielding minotaurs

- giant bats

- ape men, who manage to carry off Alice

Pressing on, the Golden Knight arrives at a huge tower that he says has been built by the enslaved people of Kooran, but I never see them.

So just who is responsible for the kidnappings, the tower and the monsters? Why, this insane magician, who claims to have done it all so that he can be safe from floods and then promptly jumps off the tower into a... lake? and drowns. More importantly, why is he listed here in the space reserved for low-rent mad scientists? Because while comic book magic users fill a very similar ecological niche as super-scientists they don't have as great a population and consequently a far lesser rate of one-note losers, and I had to put him somewhere. (Fantastic Comics 019, 1941)

the Professor:

The Professor is a hypnotist of some stripe who uses his powers to turn lawmen into agents of his gang. He meets his match in detective Spencer Steel, who as a comic book protagonist is of course immune to such feeble things as mind control and quickly turns the tables on his would-be master. (Fight Comics 011, 1941)

Unnamed Scientist:

Though this unnamed scientist talks a bit like a kindly mentor who gives you super-powers in order to save mankind from aliens etc, in practice he just has a kid tied up in his jungle compound who he feeds potions to. Perhaps he had some sort of important plan that would justify this behaviour but if so it is lost to the ages when he wanders out into the jungle to get hilariously killed by an extremely jumpy snake.

The poor kid, meanwhile, grows into a giant and aimlessly wanders the countryside battling various world militaries until Power-Man shows up and tosses a bomb at his gut. It's a bummer ending that wouldn't happen in most comics and I kind of respect it. (Fight Comics 012, 1941)

Dr Moluk:

Dr Moluk and his assistant Scorpo have developed a machine that takes germs and bacteria and assembles them into multicellular organisms that resemble golden dragon-dogs. He intends to use these creatures to sow mass panic and ultimately take over the world. An evil plan, but a cool one. 

Unfortunately for Moluk, his assigned heroic enemy is Guy Gorham, who is billed as the World's Greatest Chemist but acts like the World's Most Thorough Ass-Kicker. He busts in, beats ten kinds of hell out of Moluk and Scorpo, and ends up feeding the former to his own dragons. It honestly feels like bullying by the end. (Great Comics 001, 1941)

PROBLEMATIC ROUND-UP 008

Once again I must regretfully inform you that some comic books are problematic. Like, racially.

the Laughing Hyenas: 

Hey, it's our first racial hate group, and I think I'm just going to preemptively file these under "problematic" because they're a) not fun to talk about and b) necessitate talking about hate-crimes even if I, for example, choose not to use the panels with lynchings in them.

The Laughing Hyenas are actually kind of a hate group by proxy, as they have been hired to keep the Black residents of the geographically-nonspecific town of Souda "in line" by murdering one of them every once in a while, and have been doing so frequently enough and/or long enough that even the local folks willing to volunteer for such a task have gotten sick of it, so boss Bull Karson had to import some Chicago toughguys to do his dirty work for him.

Oddly, given the sheer volume of murder that the Laughing Hyenas were perpetrating, the Silver Streak doesn't actually bring them in to the authorities ore even extra-judiciously kill them. Instead, he just dumps them on a slow boat to Rangoon. (Silver Streak Comics 013, 1941)

the Modern Thief of Bagdad:

Ali Hassan, aka the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is an Iraqi thief who comes to NYC to steal the Konoor Diamond, and as a result comes into conflict with Captain Battle and his young protege Hale Battle. A simple story that would ordinarily wrap up quite quickly, but this is a book-length yarn, which means that there is an extended chase sequence that occupies the 28 pages between the theft and Hassan's arrival back in Baghdad. Some highlights:

Chapter 1, "The Modern Thief of Bagdad!": Hassan steals the gem, then give Battle and Hale the slip in Chinatown. Olyra, the mysterious guardian of the Konoor Diamond, is kidnapped.

Chapter 2, "Perils of the Sargasso Sea!": Hassan's submarine becomes mired in sargassum and is attacked by a sea monster. Battle and Hale kill the beast. Hassan and his men dress up like ghost pirates. Olyra is rescued and then kidnapped again.

Chapter 3, "Lost in the Underground World!": Hassan's plane crashes in Africa and he and Olyra are captured by cannibals (lil' bonus racism for you there). Battle and Hale rescue them before being betrayed and dumped in a pit of quicksand. There is a brief interlude in an cave system full of monsters before it suddenly blows up. Hassan and his men dress up like ghosts. Olyra is rescued.

Chapter 4, "House of Giants": Battle & co track Hassan to a castle in Tibet, where they are captured and subjected to a shrink ray. They have various adventures as tiny men before resuming their original size. Olyra is kidnapped.

I would call Hassan himself... an average amount of racist. He's depicted in much the same generically foreign vein as I've seen in a South American president or a Basque fisherman (or indeed a Cape Breton fisherman at least once). As a villain, he's pretty great: bombastic, treacherous, fond of leaving boastful notes for his enemies. If it was just him I might have skipped making this a Problematic Round-Up entry.

It's not just him, however, and once the story hits Chapter 5, "Magic Spell of the Arabian Nights" we get a real dose of Orientalism full in the face, as our heroes touch down in a Baghdad straight out of the Arabian Nights, complete with a wicked ruler (confusingly named Emperor Pasha Golu) who Hassan has been working for the whole time.

It's such a pastiche of a city, in fact, that Hale and Olyra just kind of stumble across Aladdin's lamp and flying carpet while they are escaping from a dungeon. I suppose that all this is at least a little thematically appropriate, as Ali Hassan, the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is a reference to a movie that is a remake of a different movie that is itself a pastiche of the Arabian Nights.

The Modern Thief of Bagdad meets his end in a pretty underwhelming manner: Captain Battle ducks as he swings a sword at him and he falls off of a balcony. A pretty terrible way to go for a villain who clearly thought that he was very cool, to be honest. The evil Pash Golu also meets his end in the process, leaving Olyra free to reveal that she is actually Olyria, Princess and true ruler of Bagdad. A truly impenetrable alias! 

Finally, such is Hale Battle's hunger for souvenirs that he uses his third genie with to acquire a replica of the diamond for his collection, even though for my money the real deal Lamp of Aladdin with one wish left on it would be the ultimate keepsake. (Captain Battle Comics 002, 1941)

the King:

The King is a fellow who gains control over a Romani group by showing them a... birthmark? tattoo? that proves his right to rule and that looks so intensely falsifiable that I am shocked there isn't some sort two-factor authentication, or even a code phrase. And just what is is reason for exerting this control? Why, so that he can turn his new subjects into a child kidnapping ring. You can see how I would consider this problematic.

The King is of course not the real ruler, that is not a real skull birthmark and he is no match for Dynamic Man. He turns out to be a crooked newspaper publisher named Brower who loves money more than making good plans to acquire it. (Dynamic Comics 002, 1941)

the Dragon:

The Dragon is a very ordinary Yellow Peril villain who is after some top secret bomber plans on behalf of an unspecified Asian nation. There are exactly four interesting things about him: 1) he is the first villain faced by Samson and David in their brief New Look era before they disappear along with most of Fox Features' other characters during their financial trouble. 2) he is a classic calling card leaver in the form of a claw mark on the chests of men he has killed

 3) he works alongside his sister Orchid, which isn't the rarest arrangement but is always fun to note

 4) he has these stone lions outside of his HQ that grab intruders as they come through. It's a fun trap but never actually explained: are they some sort of mechanism, or demonic magic like the caption box suggests?

Much of the issue in questioned is concerned with Samson chasing the Dragon and Orchid around. Once he catches up to them it's all over. (Fantastic Comics 022, 1941)

ALIENS AND SO FORTH ROUND-UP 047

It's more of those dastardly (and not-so-dastardly) aliens!

Zutarians:

One day while on a trip to visit his magic brother in-law who lives on the sun, the Golden Knight and Alice are thrown off course and crash on planet Zutarn, where they are picked up by some friendly-yet-threatening Zutarians. As is often the case in Golden Age comics, the exact location of Zutarn is not stated - for bookkeeping reasons I'm going to say it's in an unspecified star system, but it's equally likely to have been intended to be somewhere within our own.

The dichotomy inherent in the friendly nature of the Zutarians versus the fact that they take our heroes away at gunpoint is soon explained when it is revealed that their leader Tyrno is an Earthling and a real underhanded creep tyrant. Just how did a 12th Century human get to another planet, let alone take it over? Did one of his siblings marry a magic spaceman as well?

Just how or why Tyrno is King of Zutarn becomes moot, because he attempts to murder the Golden Knight and marry Alice against her will, and in the process finally pushes the Zutarians a bit too far and so they murder him. I imagine that they must have been pretty close to doing so already, but their naturally hospitable natures finally had too much as Tyrno proved himself a bad host in addition to a tyrant. (Fantastic Comics 020, 1941)

In Amazing Mystery Funnies 022 (aka Amazing Mystery Funnies v3 006 for all those who like their issue numbering to be consistent), Nick Nelson of the Space Patrol infiltrates a seedy space casino in order to get the goods on its owner's misdeeds. As is only appropriate, the place is jam-packed with criminal types from across the Solar System, including:

Jovians: 

We have actually seen these fellows before, in the previous issue of Amazing Mystery Funnies and also about 37 instalments of "Aliens and So Forth" ago, in the person of the Haggur. I am strangely proud of Basil Wolverton for remaining so consistent with an alien design, even if it was from just one issue earlier.

Martians: 

Case in point: these two Martian space bandits. Just how are they related to the Martian species that Nelson's partner Kodi (who was in this comic not two pages earlier) belongs to, you reckon? I am very intrigues by this disc game that they are playing - do you reckon that it is closer to cards or dominoes?

Mercurians: 

And then by contrast with the Martians, we have the Mercurians, who absolutely look like they are part of the same species as the one who we met last time, but who are members of a different regional phenotype.

Saturnians: 

I am not fond of just how lumpy this guy is. Maybe it's a side effect of the drug smuggling and all Saturnians don't have to deal with this much texture in their lives.

Venusians:

We don't get a good look at these Venusians. They kind of look like smoother Mercurians - perhaps the two species are related somehow. 

Plutonians:

The owner of the casino is a fellow named Jol the Plutonian, and while he is a dirtbag of the highest order he doesn't handle Nelson as well as he could. Rather than merely kick the Space Patrolman out of his establishment (he literally has no evidence), he attempts to have him killed, fails and gets into a high-speed space chase that ends with him crashing into the Moon and dying. Very uncool.

Like many Wolverton aliens, Plutonians are just kind of lizardy humanoids with weird facial features, but I must say I enjoy the tentacle arms.

MINOR SUPER-HERO ROUND-UP 094

Super-heroes, coincidentally arranged in ascending order of notability!

Kalkor:

A faithful priest of Isis c.1000 BC, Kalkor is restored to life at the same time as Nagana, the Queen of Evil, as a foil to her power. He is empowered with the same immortality and comic book magic as Nagana so that he may combat her effectively (and perhaps as a way for Isis to make up for crushing him to death as a byproduct of collapsing a temple on Nagana to put an end to her evil ways).  

Important note: though many Golden and Silver Age super-heroes may act like they have taken a vow of celibacy, Kalkor is one of the few who may have actually done so, as part of his Christianity-influenced version of Isis-worship. (Fantastic Comics 022, 1941)

Kalkor is not really a super-hero in the traditional sense - he doesn't roam around looking for guys mugging old ladies or Fifth Columnists sabotaging munitions factories. Instead, he follows Nagana around and foils whatever scheme she pursues in her ongoing effort to conquer the world. And like many characters who operate purely in reference to the actions of others, Kalkor is kind of dull.

In order to get around our era more easily, Kalkor adopts the funny-about-twenty-years-ago-our time alias of John Kerry. He also seems to shop at the same Big Coat Store as fellow Fox super-hero Samson.

Categorized in: Day Job (Priest), Origin (Divine Empowerment, Mystic Mutate, Resurrected Mystic Champion)

the Gladiator:

The Gladiator is Dan Kenneth, a "famous art connoisseur." This baffled me hardcore until I realized that there was a pretty good chance that he was in fact an art conservationist or something like that, and sure enough a critical aspect of the villain's scheme in his first outing is having Kenneth "recondition" a painting he has just bought, and in his second and final appearance they just go ahead and call him an art dealer.

Kenneth gets mixed up in an overly-complicated plot by the aforementioned client to steal his own painting and still get cash - not insurance fraud but a second, stupider thing, see the upcoming entry on the Monster for further details - that is in fact so ridiculous that he can't even convince the police to help him out. What else can he do but engage in a bit of vigilante justice in such a situation. He puts on a Roman gladiator outfit that he happens to have laying around, grabs his favourite cestus and bowling pin and sets out to meet his destiny. And then, as so frequently happens, the one-time foray into vigilante justice becomes a full-fledged hobby. (Fantastic Comics 023, 1941)

Categorized in: Activities (Gladiators), Day Job (Art Dealer), Powers (Weapons Master)

the Avenger:

The Avenger is maybe the third most popular Street & Smith pulp character, and as such was adapted to comics in the early 40s and again every time the old gang gets together for another shot at the comics page in DC Front Line or wherever. Alas, just like his pulp career, none of the Avenger's forays into comic books last very long, especially as compared to those of Doc Savage or the Shadow.

Maybe I'm wrong, but the problem with comic book adaptations of the Avenger always seems to be that they take a premise like "solder of fortune loses family to criminals and thus sets out to balance the scales, armed with face that can be moulded like putty, a gun called Mike, a knife called Ike and a diverse cast of assistants called Justice Inc" and boil it down to "unsmiling widower tackles depressing crime." (Shadow Comics v1 002, 1940)

Categorized in: Accessories (Sidekicks), Origin (Mental Mutate, Motivated by Loss), Power (Moldable Face)

Betty Ross:

Betty Ross, aka Agent X-13, is a government agent who first appears as the seemingly-elderly-but-really beautiful guardian of the curio shop that conceals the super-soldier facility where Steve Rogers becomes Captain America (okay, it's not 100% clear that this is Betty Ross in the original comics, but retcons have firmly established that it is). She goes on to take part in many of Captain America and Bucky's Golden Age adventures - more, in fact, than the original Cap/Bucky duo (retcons again, being deployed to explain how they kept having adventures after they were supposedly frozen and dead, respectively. Or frozen and frozen, depending on the retcon). Late in the WWII era she even adopts a costumed identity of her own: Golden Girl.

Betty plays a big enough role in these Golden Age comics that I was tempted to give her a full-fledged Super-Hero page such as characters like Lois Lane or Alfred will probably get but alas, she has been almost entirely replaced by Peggy Carter in comics published in the Silver Age and beyond. Is this because she shares a name with the Hulk's love interest (who she was made the great aunt of in yet another retcon)? Possibly! (Captain America Comics 001, 1940)

Categorized in: Accessories (Rubberoid Mask), Day Job (FBI Agent), Team Membership (FBI)