ALIENS AND SO FORTH ROUND-UP 013

You wouldn't believe how many of these I have.

Unnamed Planetoid-Dwellers: 

Blast Bennett and his pal Red run into these guys on a planetoid somewhere between Venus and Mercury and exclusively refer to them as "savages" even though they fly around in their own spaceship. Get off their planetoid, weirdos. (Weird Comics 003, 1940)

the Brainmen:

The Brainmen of the planet Larz are a bunch of large-headed jerks who have conquered... Earth? some time around the Year 5000, when Whiz Wilson shows up using his Futuroscope. My uncertainty above is due to the fact that the focus of the issue is very much on the fact that Americans have been enslaved, which is probably not meant to be a deeply ironic commentary on the long history of forced labour in the Land of the Free but they can't stop me from thinking it.

Whiz manages to acquire and distribute the "N-Gas" antidote to the pacification gas used to render the Americans compliant, but even a peasants' revolt is not enough to overthrow the might of the Brainmen, and he is forced to bring Brainman King Gar back to 1940 to use the threat of being beaten to death by a crowd of angry New Yorkers to ultimately win the day. (Sure-Fire Comics 003, 1940) 

Brutes:

Lumpy, oafish humanoid encountered by Jan and Wanda when they are blasted into another dimension by Dr Doom. Has no buttcrack. (Science Comics 008, 1940)

Bugmen:

The Bugmen are a belligerent species of insect-centaurs who occupy the Jovian jungles and regularly vex Auro, Lord of Jupiter until he bests their leaders, Ogre and Agh. I enjoy their huge tusks and also wonder just how much they get in the way. (Planet Comics 006, 1940)

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 770: GOLI

(Startling Comics 004, 1940)

We open on a world in turmoil! The tides are going crazy! New York City is trashed!

The world's leaders turn to the mysterious Dr X for help, and he immediately recognizes that the problem must be Moon-based, and further that the solution will require his niece's fiance Bob to go beat someone up. This is the second and final Dr X story of the Golden Age, and I really wish that there were more. Wizened scientists sending burly aides to beat up crooks is entirely in my wheelhouse

Bob and Cynthia are promptly teleported to the Moon in their finest protective beachwear, and Bob gets to fight an excellent moon-beast.

Bob and Cynthia are captured by Moon-Man forces who do indeed turn out to be the ones messing up the tides. This Moon-aggression is technically happening under the command of the unnamed Moon King and his tall horny daughter, but it becomes clear that the real architect of the plot against Earth is the Head Scientist, Goli. Never one to waste a couple of good prisoners, Goli has plans to stick some Moon-Man brains in Bob and Cynthia's bodies in order to use them as spies in the post-apocalyptic Moon-Man invasion of Earth.

In a lucky turn for Bob, Cynthia and the Earth, the Moon Princess is so horny for Bob that she sets the prisoners free. Goli is killed by Bob in a move that also smashes the tide machine, and one short teleporter ride later everyone is safely back in Dr X's secret laboratory in the Andes.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 758: THE WIZARD

(Smash Comics 017, 1940)

The Wizard is your classic big-headed smart guy gang boss (his head is on the smaller end of the bighead spectrum but he accentuates it perfectly with the most unpleasant hairstyle I have ever seen). He and his gang (the Wizard Gang, natch) have been lying low for long enough that one of them starts getting squirrely and talking about leaving, with deadly consequences. The Wizard shoots him, is what I'm saying. And what a shame, because the Wizard has just finished his master plan: put bombs in little remote controlled planes and then use them to do robberies. Not the most groundbreaking scheme in the world, but not bad.

The plane bombs seem to be effective, as the Wizard Gang really cleans up on loot. Is there a major difference between a bomb mounted on a plane and one thrown by a guy? Evidently! 

Even more impressively, the Wizard's plan to just stay out of town for a while has had the intended effect of erasing all of his gang members from the collective police memory. It's quite remarkable, though again the simpler answer might just be that they are managing to stay out of sight of the cops.

All good things must come to an end, however, in this case in the form of Hugh Hazzard and his explosion-proof robotic exoskeleton. And of course once a superstrong robot is involved it's just a matter of time before the Wizard meets his end in a recklessly-hurled car full of explosives.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 721: THE GENIUS

(Science Comics 003, 1940)

Dynamo has been stirring up trouble in the Unspecified City underworld. He's captured Rats Rako and a significant portion of his gang and now Rats' lieutenant Gun Ramey must figure out just how to deal with a superhuman do-gooder. It's lucky for him that Unspecified City has a resident criminal scientist, the Genius (ignore the fact that they're calling him Electro, this is from his first adventure before he changes it).

I'll be honest, my first instinct was to chuck the Genius into the next Mad and Criminal Scientist Round-Up, but between the name and the fact that he looks like someone did one of those awful clickbait art exercises where they do a "realistic" version of a cartoon character, in this case Professor Farnsworth from Futurama, and then ran that picture through a filter to make it look like an illustration. He is very distinct looking is what I am saying. And look at the size of that melon!

The Genius lives up to his reputation, and one week later he is able to depower Dynamo and drop him in a pit with almost laughable ease. And then Gun Ramey make one of the classic inexplicable blunders and decides to save some money by stiffing the Genius on the bill, and as usually happens when someone in fiction cheats the person who specializes in deathtraps and murder, Gun finds himself in a deathtrap, about to be murdered.

Luckily for Gun, the Dynamo and basically everyone in Unspecified City other than the Genius, the particular deathtrap that the two find themselves in is not a bespoke one that was made specifically in order to dispose of an electricity-powered superhuman but an old workaday deathtrap that the Genius has been using for years, to the extent that Gun knows all about it (and yet still got lippy with the Genius about his fee - probably the reason Gun is still a gang lieutenant rather than a gang boss). And a key thing about this deathtrap is that it not only features a spiked ceiling that lowers and crushes the occupants but also an exposed wire, so that the Genius' victims must grapple with the choice of whether to wait for the spikes or end it all with the wire. Dynamo/Electro obviously chooses the latter and, revitalized, zaps the Genius into submission.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 697: THE CREATURE

(Planet Comics 002, 1940)

Having defeated the evil Sarko, Flint Baker and his crew are ready to head home to accept their accolades as the as-fas-as-anyone-knows first humans to land on Mars, when word comes from Princess Viga that the city of Ru is facing yet another deadly threat. This time it's a giant four-armed primate that attacks three times per year and hauls Martians away to an uncertain and terrifying fate. Will Flint Baker help them? Of course he will!

It's a daunting beast to be sure, and it compounds the danger by immediately grabbing Princess Vigo and Baker Expedition stowaway-turned-crewmember Mimi, but Flint proves the old adage true once more: no matter how big you are or how many arms you have, you're not walking away from a rocket ship to the mouth.

I suppose that the old saying was only partially accurate in this case, actually, because the monster does walk away from the scene, if only to die elsewhere. Baker and his crew must pursue on "rocket-propelled degravitation pods" (i.e., pogo sticks).

Arriving at the monster's location, Baker and his men find that it is indeed dead, but also that it was not some wild creature with a periodic appetite for Martians but the creation of a little green guy with a big head. The Creature! Which, yes, is almost certainly not what they call themself but "the creature" is basically the only thing that is used to identify them in the caption boxes so I'm going with it.

Not only does the Creature reveal that they were the creator of the monster, but that the beast was in fact made out of the kidnapped Martians! And they're making another one! Just how many Martians were being kidnapped, and for how long?

(this is honestly a pretty great slow burn horror concept that was certainly out of the realm of 1940 comic book storytelling: people start disappearing, nobody knows how or where, and then after a couple of years someone sees a creature grabbing someone. And then every time it comes back, it's a bit bigger or has another limb, etc. Ideally the reveal comes while the beast is still alive, via DNA sequencing or something like that)

Honestly, the Creature is an amazing villain. A bombastic weirdo living in a cave and making a monster out of people? Terrific. But also, they are super strong and invulnerable to ray gun blasts that destroy everything around them. Who is this little creep and why are they living in a cave making monsters?

Sadly, though the Creature might have been immune to ray gun technology they were still susceptible to a good old fashioned sock on the jaw. Flint and his compatriots leave the Creature behind to be blown up with the rest of the laboratory in the obligatory final explosion - a sad end for a terrific antagonist.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 654: THE BRAIN

(Green Mask v1 003, 1940)

Despite the fact that when he shows up the Green Mask shouts his name in shocked surprise like they're old enemies, the Brain is not in fact the main antagonist of the story he appears in, which is concerned with a fellow named Dudley Carstairs who has made some bad business decisions and has decided that his best option going forward is to kill his niece and steal her large diamond. During the course of Carstairs' schemes an agent of the Brain witnesses his crimes and informs his boss and so our poor villain here is relegated to the status of second act twist.

Even though the Brain manages to steal the diamond and send the Green Mask, Domino and both Carstairs adrift in a dirigible fitted with a time bomb his time with the gem is limited, as the Green Mask has to escape and throw him off of his own plane in time to prevent Dudley from attempting to kill his niece again. Sorry, the Brain!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 601: THE THINKER

(Fantastic Comics 004, 1940) 

After a couple of stories worth of interruptions, Space Smith and Dianna either finished the Brain off between issues or they and/or Fletcher Hanks forgot that he was an immanent threat to life on Earth because this issue finds them following a mysterious radio signal to sight-see a rare gold comet as it passes by the moon.

Instead of watching the comet on its flyby, Space and Dianna are hit with a ray that disables their spaceship before being drawn to the surface. There they find themselves the captives of the Thinker and his army of headless goons. And here let me say that while it is not great that the Thinker's only stated goal is to acquire Dianna as his "Empress-Goddess", there is a clarity of purpose there that is a bit refreshing after seeing so many villains attempt to wed unwilling women as a mere opportunistic afterthought.

Whether the Thinker had greater plans or if getting married to a woman and keeping her in a "flame-girdled Cage of Solitude" was his only goal in life will have to go unanswered because he learns the same hard lesson as so many other big-headed creeps in comics do: all of your big-head smart plans can be undone in an instant by some thoughtless violence. 

RIP the Thinker: you should have controlled for muscleheads.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 534: THE BRAIN

(Fantastic Comics 001, 1939)

We open on Space Smith and his girlfriend Dianna (sometimes Diana) having a trans-Lunar space-date ruined by Martian Imp Men and I am immediately struck with the dilemma engendered by nearly all Fletcher Hanks stories: follow through on my impulses and post most if not all panels or be judicious for the sake of space and readability? I went with the latter but it hurt.

So in lieu of my posting every panel that features the great/horrible Martian Imp Men let's just pause and appreciate how great they are.

Space Smith and Dianna awaken in the laboratory of the great Martian scientist Skomah and learn that they have been kidnapped by Skomah's 7th son, also called Skomah, aka the Brain, aka the Central Brain aka the Great Martian Central Brain.

Really appreciate the detail that the Brain's head is so big that it has to be held up with two special robot arms.

Like a lot of big head smart guys, the Brain is convinced that it is his destiny to rule all of creation and is planning to start with Earth. He's also a huge creep in the same was as a lot of those guys and a lot of super-villains in general, in the "capture a woman and declare that she will be your queen" way.

Luckily for Dianna, a guy with a head so big he is literally bolted to the ground is not the hardest guy to get away from, even if he has a bunch of D&D 5e kobolds working for him. She and Space Smith get away incredibly easily, in fact, and spend the next few issues trying to get back to Mars to put a permanent end to Skomah the 7th (they never do actually get there. Perhaps they just lost interest when it became clear that the Brain was all talk. Or Fletcher Hanks just forgot).

BONUS MAN-EATING MARTIAN MOSQUITO