CATALOGUE OF WOUNDS 002

Just which comic book character has taken the most punishment down through the years? join me as we compile the definitive guide to bodily trauma in the super class. 

Blackhawk:

Blackhawk must set off an explosion from closer-than-optimal range and ends up getting lightly shredded. (Military Comics 003, 1941)

Blackhawk's next two adventures feature him getting whipped badly enough to mark up his torso, by the Black Tigress and the Scavengers, respectively. (Military Comics 004 & 005, 1941)

Blackhawks:

Blackhawk stalwart Andre is shot in the back by Nazis and then starts an avalanche with his own body to bury those same Nazis. Though he does survive, Andre is believed to be dead for the next six issues. (Military Comics 003, 1941)

Blue Beetle:

Blue Beetle is shot in a gang drive-by while in his civilian identity of Dan Garret. He only survives thanks to an operation to remove the bullet lodged two inches from his heart. Bonus fact: Dan has Type B blood! (Blue Beetle Comics v1 004, 1940)

Dan Garret's partner/ the Blue Beetle's most dogged persecutor Mike Mannigan is a bit of a wound magnet. Here he is getting his skull creased by a bullet while attempting to round up one of the Sphinx's men... (Mystery Men Comics 018, 1941)

And here he is getting shot in the right arm. (Mystery Men Comics 026, 1941)

Congo Bill:

1941 is a bad year for Congo Bill's shoulders. First he gets shot in the left... (Action Comics v1 038, 1941)

... and then he gets a spear thrown clear through the right. (Action Comics v1 041, 1941)

Dr Fate:

Inza Cramer - long-time Dr Fate Companion/ eventual Dr Fate herself - takes a bullet meant for Kent "Dr Fate" Nelson by an agent of Mister X and is almost killed. (All-Star Comics 005, 1941)

the Flash: 

Jay "the Flash" Garrick gets his skull creased by a bullet while moving slow to avoid risking his secret identity. (All-Flash Quarterly 002, 1941)

the Patriot: 

Future Captain America stand-in the Patriot is shot and seemingly killed at the end of his story in Marvel Mystery Comics 024 but at the resolution of the cliffhanger in the next issue he turns out to have sustained a fashionable bullet crease to the skull. (Marvel Mystery Comics v1 024, 1941)

the Ragman:

Ambushed and shot up by agents of the Stinger, the Ragman survives thanks to a bulletproof vest, but evidence would suggest that he was shot at least once and possibly twice in the right arm. (Cat-Man Comics 003, 1941)

DIVINE ROUND-UP 017

You'll never believe it: more gods. 

the Serpent Gods: 

While pursuing crook Rango in the African jungle, Yarko the Great comes across a couple being sacrificed to the Serpent Gods by being flung into a pit of sacred serpents. But are the serpents the Serpent Gods themselves? There is no further context given, so we must assume that they are.

God style: Animist (Wonderworld Comics 015, 1940) 

Gorm: 

Gorm is the god of the villainous Hatchet Cult, a gang that the Flash encounters early in his career, but since the Hatchet Cult is made up of white gangsters surgically made to look Chinese in order to throw the authorities off of their trail, one must assume that Gorm is just another part of the ruse (though for who's benefit these guys are praying is a mystery to me).

God Style: Idol (Flash Comics v1 022, 1941) 

the Great God Orrab: 

The Great God Orrab is yet another idol to which Our Heroes are almost sacrificed, ho hum. The interesting thing about this particular god, however, is that the hero in question is Blaze Barton, which placed Orrab in the year 50033 CE or thereabouts, and makes it very possible that his worshippers are in fact post-apocalyptic remnants worshipping the equivalent of a McDonaldland statue.

God Style: Idol (Hit Comics 009, 1941)

Hu, the Horse God: 

Adventurer Lance Larkin and a lady named Marsha are looking for the "Land of the Flying Dragons" in Siberia, and wouldn't you know it, they find it! And there are flying dragons (well, "pterodactyls") there! There are also caveman-style Ape-Men riding the dragons, who swiftly capture Lance and Marsha and take them to be sacrificed at the altar of Hu, the Horse God. It is only the arrival of Lance's loyal steed Satan, taken to be an earthly avatar of Hu, that saves the two.

So just why do a bunch of cavemen who ride flying reptiles and have never seen a horse in their lives have a horse as their god? Because hundreds of thousands of years ago when they came to this prehistoric enclave they had horses and those horses saved them from disaster somehow. This inspired the reverence, but didn't stop the horses from eventually dying out, which then inspired the taming of the "pterodactyls".

God-Style: Idol (More Fun Comics 067, 1941) 

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 336: ADAM ADDAMS

(All-Flash 003, 1941)

Like the Threat before him, Adam Addams is a revenge guy. Unlike the Threat, Addams is... I won't say more petty, but perhaps less focused - they include the woman who didn't marry him, the man she married instead, the man who refused to give him a medical license because he talked about glands too much, and anyone who contributed to one of his prior revenge schemes going wrong. If he has a particular focus, it's Dr French, the man what married the woman. About half of the issue involves attempts by Addams to ruin French's life and the other half is all about killing as many of his enemies as possible.

Contrary to Addams' big talk about changing your face with glandular treatments, he actually uses bog-standard rubberoid masks. Maybe they're just easier than mutating your head every time you want to put on a disguise, because he does turn out to have the goods, gland-manipulation-wise...

To whit, he posts up on a tropical island and mutates a herd of horses into beefcake centaurs! Centaurs who he then flies back to NYC and parachutes into Dr French's hospital for a good old fashioned rampage, because nothing ruins a medical reputation like a centaur attack.

Special shout out to Oats, the doofus centaur who ruins the whole operation by being too horny.

Extra special shoutout to the unnamed and very professional centaur pilot in his little hat.

Aside from Addams' revenge schemes his other major interest is in recreating the hard water formula that gave the Flash his powers (because the Flash has very poor infosec and it's trivially easy to find out where and how he did so). To that end, he kidnaps Jay Garrick's old chemistry professor and forces him to work on finding the formula. And he finds it! Adam Addams acquires Flash-style super-speed! He gets beat up by the actual Flash because he has no fine control yet, but surely this marks a dark new day in the annals of crime!

Not a chance. In a move that smacks of "we have to wrap up the issue now", Addams takes his own life after the Flash foils what is frankly a medium-sized plot. It's fairly unsatisfying, to say the least. Thankfully, I have a solution: Addams didn't blow up, he entered the Speed Force. He can come back at any time!And I want that! I want him to be brung back! Because as uninteresting as the Speed Force and its related heroes and villains have become through proliferation it can only be improved through the application of a guy who can whip up a pack of centaurs on a month's notice.

ADDENDUM: I was wrong! He does change some of his henchmen's faces via glandular treatments!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 335: THE THREAT

(All-Flash 002, 1941) 

The Threat is an example of a type of morality tale that was very popular in 40s and 50s comic books but never really went out of style: a tale of promise squandered in service to a life of crime. In this case, the subject is a crook named Tough Joe Connor, who swears revenge on Jim Kelley, the prosecutor who sent him to jail for ten years. 

My summarizing powers are not up to this task, ergo, a timeline:

1911 CE:

-Jim Kelley sends Tough Joe Connor to jail. Connor swears revenge.

-believing that Kelley got the better of him because he was more clever, Connor devotes himself to study.

1917 CE:

-Connor has become a model prisoner. He is a qualified lawyer, doctor and research scientist specializing in chemistry and physics. He is paroled 4 years early. On the outside, he is already wealthy due to research he did in prison.

-Connor goes to visit Kelley. Ostensibly a good will visit, it is actually in order to provide an alibi: when thugs he has hired burst in and steal Kelley's newborn baby, Connor takes a carefully choreographed bullet to the arm while "attempting to stop them".

-Connor meets and falls in love with a woman named Annie Crowley. They marry and he briefly goes straight (but keeps the baby).

1923 CE:

-Annie dies (possibly in childbirth, as they have a daughter). Connor resumes his quest for revenge and begins telling the boy, Roy, that Kelley killed his mother in order to turn him into a weapon against his own father.

1937 CE:

-Connor has consolidated underworld power in the region, becoming the Threat. He makes his first attempt on the life of now-Mayor Jim Kelley but both his criminal activities and his murder attempt are disrupted by the Flash. Roy heads to the family farm to lie low with his step-sister Ann.

1941 CE:

-The Threats's power continues to grow. A second attempt on Mayor Kelley's life ends with Joe Connor back in prison as one of his own henchmen.

-Connor escapes in an old lye barrel. Severely burned, missing an eye, he adopts a series of new identities: an unnamed garage owner, plastic surgeon Doctor Cravath, mechanic Jake Boles. He finds Roy hiding out in the country and together they make an attempt on gubernatorial candidate Kelley's life but once more the Flash steps in.

-Connor makes one last push to kill now-Governor Kelley: he breaks Roy out of prison and arranges a big confrontation. All is for naught, as the Flash, Joan Williams and Ann Connor have pieced together the clues and revealed to Roy his real parentage. Faced with this and the futility of his life of revenge, Connor smokes a poisoned cigarette and dies.

-Roy and Ann are now in love, which happens in these kinds of Secret Step-Sibling situations an unsettling amount.

There are several interesting things about this sequence of events. The first, as seen above, is that young Roy, at age 5, chooses the name Roy Revenge for himself as part of his vendetta and keeps using it into his mid-twenties. It is, frankly, great - it's exactly the kind of henchman name that a villain called the Threat would assign in a campy 60s comic, but earnestly, in the 40s.

The second involves the fact that at this point Keystone City is not a thing and the Flash explicitly lives in New York City, which means that Jim Kelley was presumably Mayor of NYC (eroding La Guardia's term by about four years) and Governor of New York (impacting Herbert H. Lehman).

Meanwhile, the chronology of the story is fairly tentative - the actual timeframes are correct, but the dates are speculative. The crucial point is that four-year gap between Roy Revenge''s first attempt on Kelley's life and the remainder of the story: as presented the bulk of the story is set in 1941, the year of publication, but the Flash is running around three years earlier than previously established. BUT! if we start the story in 1941 the bulk of the action takes place in 1945, which is even more temporally messy. Fun stuff for the old timeline!

The Threat, ultimately, is a bit of a nothing villain but I like him nonetheless. Too bad about the wasted life, better luck next time, Joe.

JUDGE AND JURY REVENGE KILLER SCORE: 0/1 

(I know, he's focused on the lawyer, but "judge and jury and prosecutor revenge killer" is just too long and even then someone is going to go after the witnesses and bailiffs. Better to be succinct)

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 334: THE MONOCLE

(All-Flash Quarterly 001, 1941) 

I love a foppish gang boss, and the Monocle might just be the most foppish I've seen in some time. He's got all the accessories: the monocle, natch, but also the eccentric mustache, cigarette holder, neat suit with nosegay and tiepin and pocket square and to top it off one of the more eccentric comic book hobbies I have ever encountered: a twee little garden where he displays his stolen gems in artificial flowers. Pretty great stuff.

The Monocle is also a technically-minded villain, whose main line is planning knockout gas-centric crimes but with a sideline in deathtraps - his booby-trapped HQ does a better job than most at almost bumping off the Flash.

Of particular note is that the Monocle hits upon the same discovery as an unnamed criminal scientist the year before: that though the Flash moves fast enough that he uproots shrubs and blows the clothing off of people in his wake, he also moves slow enough that a stroboscopic lighting setup will make it possible to effectively aim a firearm at him. He might even have actually killed the Flash if, succumbing to the deathtrap-maker's hubris, he hadn't left mid-battle to check on his gem garden.

NOTES - SEPTEMBER 2023

Memes of Yore:

 Women be loving hats. (All-Flash 001, 1941)

Decoration:

On the island nation of Felicia, the chairs are monogrammed with a big F (Master Comics 001, 1940) 

UPDATE: And the shields.

Drawn without reference:

The majestic pterodactyl. (Master Comics 007, 1940)

SUPERSTITIOUS AND COWARDLY LOT

 (All-Flash 001, 1941)

MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 001

Like costumed villains, there are a lot of scientists out there doing crimes involving superscience but just missing the levels of interest, ambition or scale to graduate to true super-villain status. Sometimes this is because of poor planning or lack of vision and others just have the misfortune to run into a protagonist while still in the initial stages of their venture. And don't they deserve a forum just as much as the generic costumed villains we all love?

Julius Korn: 

Our first science fiend is Julius Korn, who takes over a lighthouse with his crew of misfits in order to use his ray machine to sink passing ships. It's unclear just why he does this - is it a weapons test, a piracy scheme, fifth column activity or plain sadism? - but he is thwarted by sea rover Dusty Dane and his pal Big Mike Cardigan and ends his days like so many other comic book scientists: exploding along with his invention. (Feature Comics 048, 1941)

the Professor: 

The Professor here operated a scheme whereby he used a magnetic engine killing ray to bring down mail planes in Arizona's Painted Desert. As befits a scientist operating in cowboy territory, he was willing to get his hands a bit dirtier than your typical effete science-man, but even that wasn't enough to save him from the Fargo Kid. (Feature Comics 051, 1941)

Unnamed Scientist: 

This unnamed fellow went to the trouble of developing anti-Flash technology - specifically, glasses with rotating lenses that allow him to see fast-moving objects - to protect his kidnap gang rather than, say, moving to another city (or marketing his glasses somewhere, natch) (Flash Comics v1 001, 1940)

(Trophy Room bonus: the Flash keeps the glasses)

Dr Jennings: 

This here's Dr Jennings, who works in a research lab with Jay "the Flash" Garrick and kidnaps a lot of people to live out his dream of establishing a colony on Mars but then is betrayed by his venture capitalist partner Enzil who just wants to establish himself as a Martian tyrant in a story that feels oddly prescient somehow? Anyhow the Flash is more focused on rehabilitation than your average Golden Age hero and so Jennings is allowed to go back to his old life after Enzil is vaporized by spider-aliens. (Flash Comics v1 024, 1941)