MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 545: "?"

(Smash Comics 002, 1939)

An art thief, but an audacious art thief. "?" is so-named because he sends a message signed thus to the Paris Prefect of Police warning that he would steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and then actually does it from under the noses of the Prefect, the police and Captain Cook of Scotland Yard. Like, while in the same room as them - he just hits the lights and grabs the painting.

Then, a couple of days later, another note from "?" saying that he is going to put the painting back! And he approaches this task with the same level of audacity: reveal the location of the painting and then out the window.

Too bad for "?" that reckless audacity can be a bit predictable - he is immediately corralled on the street below and turns out to be criminal Renee Landrue, who simply stole the painting as a way to sell on 4 forged copies of the Mona Lisa. It's practically not even a crime! If only he hadn't tried to blow up Captain Cook and the Prefect in between the theft and the return, he'd practically be a folk hero! BRING BACK the audacious French thief "?", I say! Give Batman's filing system a workout!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 399: THE MURDER MAESTRO

(More Fun Comics 072, 1941) 

The Murder Maestro comes out swinging with a rapid-fire campaign of musical murder. Over the course of two days he delivers five musical warnings followed by song-inspired deathtraps to members of the Tin Pan Alley Club, e.g., "I'm Walking on Air" delivered via singing telegram followed by an attempt to hang the recipient from a light aircraft.

This of course leads to one of my favourite setups: a collection of possible suspects. Not as much as could be is done with this bunch - two are almost immediately targeted by the Murder Maestro, leaving only two actual suspects - but I still appreciate the effort.

The Murder Maestro of course is Blind Harry Thorpe, the least likely of the suspects, who turns out to have Dr Mid-Nite-style "can only see in complete darkness" blindness. His murder spree was inspired by the fact that the Tin Pan Alley Club was a collective enterprise in which royalties were pooled and shared among the songwriter members, and of course fewer members meant more royalties for the survivors. Whether Thorpe had an excuse ready for when he was the only one left alive was left unexplored.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 332: THE HAND

(Leading Comics 001, 1941)

The Hand holds the distinction of being both the first foe of the Seven Soldiers of Victory (all 9 or 10 of them) and the person who organized them as a team in the first place, and all as a way to get attention, essentially. As first presented, he is a master criminal so successful that he is unknown to the world at large who has just received word that he is dying with no hope of a reprieve.

Somewhat understandably, the Hand decides to go out with a bang rather than a whimper, by recruiting five other super-villains to act as his "fingers" and carry out his most audacious crimes.

We'll get into the nitty gritty of the Five Fingers of the Hand in the next entry (because I have a system and I need to stick to it, okay?) but the long and the short of it is that the Hand gathers together pre-established supercrooks the Needle, Professor Merlin and the Red Dragon, never-before-seen supercrook the Dummy and lucky-to-be-considered schnook Big Caesar, outfits them with crime plans and sets them up in a classic Justice Society style "everyone split up and have a little adventure" adventure with what will become the Seven Soldiers of Victory.

Though this might be the most reasonable reason for sending a taunting note to the forces of Law I have yet seen (after all, how greater the crime if it is actively opposed?), it remains a bad idea to do so, categorically, as evidenced by the fact that every one of the Five Fingers is summarily captured (or in the case of Professor Merlin, exploded) mid-caper, leading to the traditional final act of the JSA-style story wherein everyone comes together to beat up the mastermind.

Who knows if the Hand could have handled them if he hadn't been informed that his condition was, in fact, treatable just before the fight. Could he have taken on seven super-heroes if he still thought he was going to die? We will never know. Instead, he almost gets them with a lightning cannon but ends up being electrocuted by it, ironically dying just as he learned that he might have a chance to live.

Or did he? No he didn't, it turns out, because years later Len Wein wanted to bring back the Seven Soldiers of Victory and concocted a story wherein they were blasted through time, and who better to be responsible than their very first foe? And since that caper involved the Nebula Man, one of Grant Morrison's favourite creeps, the Hand showed up in Seven Soldiers, too. He seems to have about a 30-year refractory period, so look for him on comic shelves sometime in 2036!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 327: DR SMART

(Human Torch v1 005a, 1941)

I think I've mentioned the old three-act super-villain story structure of yore a couple of times, but there are a whole host of old comic book story styles that have fallen by the wayside and Dr Smart here stars in one of them: the book-length heist story. 

Three pages into our tale, Smart and his crew, posing as a funeral procession, rob an armoured car. The remaining 38 or so pages concern the efforts of the Human Torch and Toro to capture the slippery little devil because to his credit Dr Smart is a guy who reads the paper and knows that the Torch is a cop and will be guarding the money he is after.

Dr Smart's entire scheme hinges on anti-Torch technology: asbestos suits; grenades that explode into asbestos bindings; super-cold liquid air bombs and smokescreens; thermite ammunition that won't melt. The capper is a duo of tricked-out hearses equipped with asbestos linings and heatproof glass - a considerable portion of the issue is spent with Toro and the Torch either locked up in the back of one or fruitlessly trying to get Dr Smart and his henchmen out of the front. Smart might have gotten away with it if he hadn't tried to be clever and bury the heroes with the loot - it was one too many things to juggle and he got pinched.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 238: THE CLUE CRIMINAL

(Flash Comics v1 007, 1940)

 

Long before guys like the Joker and the Riddler made leaving baroque clues to taunt the forces of Law ahead of your next crime a super-villain cliché, the Clue Criminal was out there getting things done, with a name that I must assume was used in a low-effort Batman pastiche some time in the late 60s.

Speaking of names, the Clue Criminal steals actual real painting "the Blue Boy" and then goes on to do the same to "famed smiling picture" "Modern Louisa". I guess the Mona Lisa wasn't in Washington DC to be stolen at the time, but guess what, Gardner Fox, writer of Cliff Cornwall? I checked, and "the Blue Boy" was in California in 1940! Checkmate, me!

Anyhow, the Clue Criminal perpetrates three art thefts before inexplicably pivoting to attempted zeppelin bombing - possibly the Clues were more important than the Crimes and it was easier to put one together for zeppelin sabotage than any of the theft-worthy art pieces in town. Whatever the reason, Cliff Cornwall proves as adequate at eleventh-hour riddle solving as Batman and/or Robin and the Clue Criminal is put away.