Tuesday, September 5, 2023

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 336: ADAM ADDAMS

(All-Flash 003, 1941)


Like the Threat before him, Adam Addams is a revenge guy. Unlike the Threat, Addams is... I won't say more petty, but perhaps less focused - they include the woman who didn't marry him, the man she married instead, the man who refused to give him a medical license because he talked about glands too much, and anyone who contributed to one of his prior revenge schemes going wrong. If he has a particular focus, it's Dr French, the man what married the woman. About half of the issue involves attempts by Addams to ruin French's life and the other half is all about killing as many of his enemies as possible.


Contrary to Addams' big talk about changing your face with glandular treatments, he actually uses bog-standard rubberoid masks. Maybe they're just easier than mutating your head every time you want to put on a disguise, because he does turn out to have the goods, gland-manipulation-wise...


To whit, he posts up on a tropical island and mutates a herd of horses into beefcake centaurs! Centaurs who he then flies back to NYC and parachutes into Dr French's hospital for a good old fashioned rampage, because nothing ruins a medical reputation like a centaur attack.


Special shout out to Oats, the doofus centaur who ruins the whole operation by being too horny.


Extra special shoutout to the unnamed and very professional centaur pilot in his little hat.


Aside from Addams' revenge schemes his other major interest is in recreating the hard water formula that gave the Flash his powers (because the Flash has very poor infosec and it's trivially easy to find out where and how he did so). To that end, he kidnaps Jay Garrick's old chemistry professor and forces him to work on finding the formula. And he finds it! Adam Addams acquires Flash-style super-speed! He gets beat up by the actual Flash because he has no fine control yet, but surely this marks a dark new day in the annals of crime!

Not a chance. In a move that smacks of "we have to wrap up the issue now", Addams takes his own life after the Flash foils what is frankly a medium-sized plot. It's fairly unsatisfying, to say the least. Thankfully, I have a solution: Addams didn't blow up, he entered the Speed Force. He can come back at any time!And I want that! I want him to be brung back! Because as uninteresting as the Speed Force and its related heroes and villains have become through proliferation it can only be improved through the application of a guy who can whip up a pack of centaurs on a month's notice.

ADDENDUM: I was wrong! He does change some of his henchmen's faces via glandular treatments!

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