Wednesday, October 23, 2024

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 647: THE MONK

(Fight Comics 008, 1940)


I like to criticize scientist-villains a lot for their limited vision, for their inability to see the legitimate money-making options they have after inventing say a super-efficient tunnel digging machine that they view solely as a way to rob banks easily. The Monk is the opposite of that kind of guy, I reckon.

(brief aside about the name: this is not in reference to the religious calling but rather the old-school, now-defunct gangster nickname, where "Monk" is short for "monkey". Which seems like a thing that actual people did do at one point? Call monkeys monks? I only have comic book dialogue to go by, so what do I know)


The Monk and his gang have developed an advanced rocket artillery that can deliver a high explosive shell at great distance. A great start! Not the most ethical thing that you could spend your time inventing but sure to sell! The only problem is that a) the shells won't explode unless a lever inside them is pulled while en route and b) the Monk is either unwilling or unable to come up with a second solution after "load each shell with a captured lumberjack" proves successful.

I mean, using a human does work, I'll give him that, but even as a non-weapons designer I can spot a couple of flaws: 1) you are artificially limiting your customer base to evil governments willing to spend either their own troops or a constant supply of political prisoners to arm their weaponry and 2) even the most heinous and bloodthirsty warmonger will eventually wonder just what guarantee they have that every person will pull the lever. And sure, you could develop a system to brainwash lumberjacks or a method of remotely compelling arm motion but at that point why not just build a got-danged timing mechanism?


It is at this point that we must acknowledge that this has been an academic discussion, as the Monk's greatest mistake was capturing Big Red McLane (Fletcher Hanks' third or fourth best character but one dedicated mostly to low-stakes lumberjack gangsterism) and so gets fatally punched off of a cliff. Be more careful next time, Monk! And buy a book on lateral thinking or something, sheeesh.

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