Tuesday, May 27, 2025

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 797: JARK AND ZORG

(Target Comics v1 007, 1940)

Jark and Zorg, an alien duo of unknown provenance, continue the trend of Spacehawk villains who could broadly be described as space pirates. They also a) have a very hard pair of names to remember without accidentally mixing up some of the letters and b) are possibly the most phallic-looking alien designs that weren't just ambulatory ding-dongs that I have ever seen.



Jark and Zorg's plan is... not simple, per se, but it doesn't have a lot of steps. It goes like this: 

1) get a planetoid and fit it with propulsion devices 

2) fly around until you are in the path of a space freighter 

3) use a tractor (bumper) beam to ensure that the freighter only crashes a little, so that the precious cargo is okay

4) unleash a bunch of creatures called Snurls to wipe out the passengers and crew

5) loot and profit



It's a solid enough plan, albeit one which requires a lot of advance effort and advanced technology, and Zorg even adds a step 6) kidnap a lady off of the first ship they bring down and transform her into an attractive phallus-alien for a little non-Jark companionship. Unfortunately for him, this particular lady is the same one who Spacehawk rescued from Grovak the Martian not two issues prior, and he seems to have some sort of Superman/Lois Lane ability to sense when she is in mortal peril, as despite Zorg's certainty that their planetoid will never be discovered by the hero he is in fact already in orbit.




Jark makes a go at taking care of Spacehawk with his atom rifle but it's simply not enough firepower and he ends up mashed to a pulp.




Zorg, building on his deceased partner's efforts, seems to succeed where Jark failed, and further managed to unmask the Spacehawk to reveal that he was a robot the whole time!


OR WAS HE? No, he wasn't. Instead, the Spacehawk turns out to be a man with a collection of robot doubles that can substitute for him or otherwise aid him in his crusade against evil. Zorg ends up joining his partner in whatever afterlife that ding-dong aliens get and Spacehawk gets a smooch.

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