MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 545: "?"

(Smash Comics 002, 1939)

An art thief, but an audacious art thief. "?" is so-named because he sends a message signed thus to the Paris Prefect of Police warning that he would steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and then actually does it from under the noses of the Prefect, the police and Captain Cook of Scotland Yard. Like, while in the same room as them - he just hits the lights and grabs the painting.

Then, a couple of days later, another note from "?" saying that he is going to put the painting back! And he approaches this task with the same level of audacity: reveal the location of the painting and then out the window.

Too bad for "?" that reckless audacity can be a bit predictable - he is immediately corralled on the street below and turns out to be criminal Renee Landrue, who simply stole the painting as a way to sell on 4 forged copies of the Mona Lisa. It's practically not even a crime! If only he hadn't tried to blow up Captain Cook and the Prefect in between the theft and the return, he'd practically be a folk hero! BRING BACK the audacious French thief "?", I say! Give Batman's filing system a workout!

REAL PERSON ROUND-UP 003

Once more they ride: the REAL PEOPLE OF COMICS

Abraham Lincoln:

Lincoln's shadow is used to symbolize the power of the US exerting a calming effect on the European belligerents. (Smash Comics 005, 1939)

Adolf Hitler:

Chancellor Rudolf of Wurtberg here is a more dynamic than usual Hitler analog (Smash Comics 004, 1939)

Misc minor appearances:

Getting some bad news about Nazi operations in Yugoslavia (Blue Ribbon Comics 015, 1941)

Captain Kidd:

For no particular reason this aviator/ adventurer is named after him. (Fantastic Comics 001, 1939)

Franklin Delano Roosevelt:

Discusses the threat of the Black Hand With J. Edgar Hoover (Blue Ribbon Comics 016, 1941)

Misc Minor Appearances: appraised of the danger of invasion by Vlamir Koran (Smash Comics 001, 1939) 

Seen ordering Americans in Europe to return home; meets Black Ace/X after he saves the transports that are returning them. (Smash Comics 003, 1939)

Determines to defensively arm the US (Smash Comics 005, 1939)

H.V. Kaltenborn:

Radio commentator, appears as "H.V. Baltenhorn" (Blue Ribbon Comics 017, 1941)

John Dillinger:

Gangster "Jack Dilger" is vexed by Ty-Gor. (Blue Ribbon Comics 015, 1941) 

Joseph Stalin:

The same 3/4 perspective shot always used for FDR, now in Stalin form! (Smash Comics 002, 1939)

Mahatma Gandhi:

Aside from the pun name "Mohlasos Candhi", this version of Gandhi is hitting a lot of the overt and casually racist checkmarks of the 1940s, including a disregard for the difference between India and the Middle East and a complete indifference for the distinction between Hindus and Muslims. Oh and also it's another classic adventure based on propping up colonial rule. (Blue Ribbon Comics 017, 1941)

Shirley Temple:

As "Curley Semple" ("Dixie Dugan" comic strip, 1935)

Sherlock Holmes:

Philpot Veep (along with his sidekick Waldo) was one of many humourous takes on Sherlock Holmes in Golden Age comics. Note also the wanted poster for G. Brenner, almost certainly referring to George Brenner, creator of the Clock. (Smash Comics 001, 1939)

BONUS PHILPOT VEEP, DRUG FIEND

COMIC BOOK DRAMA: in Smash Comics 005, George Brenner strikes back! Here's Philpot Veep scribe Joe Devlin depicted AS A CLOWN! EPIC GOLDEN AGE BEEF SPOTTED

Woodrow Wilson:

Meets and gives sage advice to young Blane Whitney, who would grow up to become MLJ hero the Wizard. I am legitimately flabbergasted to see Wilson show up in this capacity. (Top-Notch Comics 001, 1939)

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 544: DR VON THORP & THE IRON MONSTER / MINOR SUPER HERO: HUGH HAZZARD & BOZO THE IRON MAN

(Smash Comics 001, 1939)

We open on a city (later established as almost certainly NYC) in the grip of terror. A robot known as the Iron Monster is wantonly robbing and murdering and also stealing one or more babies for reasons that are never made clear. Seriously, we never find out what the deal was with those babies.

The Iron Monster is the creation of Dr von Thorp, your classic scientist rejected from society for his outre beliefs, though considering the man and his work he may have been ostracized for something other than believing that he might someday build a robot. Regardless of why he was rejected, he has expressed himself in the traditional way, by turning his invention back on society as revenge.

The police have no hope of dealing with the Iron Monster or his boss, so Police Commissioner Hunt calls in private detective par excellence Hugh Hazzard, whose job is made considerably easier by the fact that von Thorp subscribes to the surprisingly common school of robot design that dictates that the robot contain a large, easily accessible space that a human can get inside and also take control of the robot from. Von Thorp's capture is almost anticlimactic, in fact.

The reason for this anticlimax is that this is not, in fact, the story of Dr von Thorp and his Iron Monster but the origin of Hugh Hazzard and the renamed Bozo the Iron Man. As introduced Hazzard is already one of those superhuman-adjacent comic book adventurers complete with a special method for the police commissioner to contact him and a love interest gamely resigned to spending most of her evenings alone. Bozo, despite eventually taking over the name of the strip entirely, is never more than a tool of Hazzard's with no actual personality or volition (though Hazzard does eventually switch to mostly travelling around inside the robot like the other, later Iron Man and Bozo gets a considerable boost in personality once it seems to be spouting quips from its fixed grimace).

In Smash Comics 002 Hazzard upgrades Bozo with both a considerably miniaturized controller (cellphone sized vs the old one's desktop PC) and a weird disc on top of his head that allows him to fly, so I guess that also makes him one of those hobbyist polymath types you get in old comics

Dr von Thorp returns exactly one more time in Smash Comics 018, wherein he and Hazzard battle for control of Bozo by blasting radio waves at him like two people trying to see who a puppy loves more. No surprise that Hugh Hazzard wins but killing von Thorp off-panel at the very end seems a bit mean.

Like I said, Bozo's role in the title of the strip if not as a character continued to grow until the end of their run in 1943. Since then Bozo occasionally turns up in a collection of DC Comics junk that some character has collected. Of Hugh Hazzard there has been no further sign.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 543: VLAMIR KORAN

(Smash Comics 001, 1939)

Vlamir Koran, Argentinean Adolf Hitler pastiche in charge of Nazi pastiche the Black Spot, takes over the entirety of South America in about half a page, because the real action of the story is centred around his attempt to continue his conquering ways into the United States.

Koran's first couple of attempts to invade the US are stymied by technology and tactics, so he hires the "greatest of all spies", Mata Hari pastiche Mara Hani, to infiltrate the US military and steal their secrets. At this point Vlamir Koran effectively leaves the comic and the action shifts to a cat-and-mouse game of espionage between Mara Hani and Black X over possession of US defense plans.

Although Mara Hani starts strong by vamping the plans out of a young and horny military engineer, Black X gets 'em back on the boat voyage back to South America and the goal of the cat-and-mousing switches to Mara Hani attempting to prevent Black X from reaching anti-Koran partisan Emanuel Hasana, who simultaneously has enough martial and political clout that he can shift the entire balance of South American power and little enough volition that he won't emerge from his tiny jungle fort without US sayso.

Mara Hani gets jaguared pretty good and Black X almost kills himself dragging her to the fort using his bullet-riddled body. And then she dies anyway.

Luckily, the fifty guys that Hasana had in that fort were the real key to defeating Vlamir Koran, and South America is free to return to its old political state and borders with no lasting ramifications to the time everyone was conquered by fascist Argentina. Emanuel Hassan doesn't even annex a couple of the smaller countries for himself! All this big talk about loving America and then he passes up a prime opportunity to emulate them.

MINOR SUPER-HERO ROUND-UP 013

More. MORE!

Spiritman: 

It's impossible to say if Spiritman's real name is Spirit Malcolm or if Spirit is just a nickname. The Golden Age is definitely a time in which nicknames are clearly signposted with quotation marks (including names like "Hank" half the time) but they're also an age of inconsistent editorial standards. Let's assume it is his given name, because then it's another fun case of comic book nominative determinism.

Spiritman is a scientific hero: armed with a Rayodine Pistol, he uses his Futurscope remote viewing device to hunt out evildoers and then - and this is where the "Spirit" part comes in - employs his Mistodine device to teleport to their location, or possibly to astrally project to their location. Either way, the effects are the same: the projected Spiritman can fly and is selectively invisible and intangible, allowing him to really just do whatever he wants. In his sole recorded adventure, this means killing about a dozen men for stealing US gold reserves. (Silver Streak Comics 001, 1939)

the Wasp:

Daily Free Press reporter Burton Slade is also masked vigilante the Wasp, so named because his weird cape looks a bit like insect wings if you squint. He also makes a buzzing sound sometimes. (Silver Streak Comics 001, 1939)

Black X:

Black X is Richard Spencer, a US espionage agent who travels around with his Indian manservant Batu (who of course is gifted with assorted mental powers). His stories are interesting enough to read but Black X himself is, appropriately enough, a bit of a cipher. Probably the most interesting thing about him is that the monocle he always wears is in fact more of an eye patch to cover his gouged-out eye. He also briefly went by the moniker Black Ace but that failed to stick. (Feature Funnies 013, 1938)

the Invisible Hood:

The fun thing about the Invisible Hood is that he doesn't get his signature invisibility cloak until his second appearance, which means that for an unknown number of adventures he was just a Sandman-style two-fisted gas gun jockey in a very impractical full length form-fitting robe. Perhaps he was simply looking for a challenge. (Smash Comics 001, 1939)

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 542: THE HOODED RAVENS

(Silver Streak Comics 001, 1939)

Just a regular group of modern-day masked rustlers notable for two things: their better-than-average name and...

... their insanely bad opsec. "Adventure-Hunter" Barry Lane waltzes into sight, makes up a fake toughguy name and backstory and before you can blink twice he has the entire lowdown on the gang's operations and an invitation to join. And all this in a crowded bar. And the local sheriff had to specifically bring in help to hunt these guys down!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 541: THE HOODED FIGURE

(Silver Streak Comics 001, 1939)

Simply a man who reacts to losing his pilot's license in a very rational way: he sabotages planes at the local airfield and also booby traps all the parachutes so that they will strangle anyone that uses them.

Upon being hunted down by two-fisted detective the Duke, the Hooded Figure makes the common mistake of trying to get away in a plane that he himself had already sabotaged. Ah, irony.