JUST A NEATO AD

Just a cool ad for a Buck Rogers disintegrator.

(Famous Funnies 012, 1935)

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 593: THE INVINCIBLE FIVE

(Exciting Comics 006, 1940)

The Invincible Five (good name!) are a mysterious group of hooded men who have been kidnapping skilled mechanics across the US in order to construct a fleet of vehicles known as Submaplanes.

If you guessed that a Submaplane was either a submarine capable of flight or and airplane capable of operating underwater then give yourself a pat on the back because it is the former. Submaplanes also have some sort of electric forcefield, an electric ray cannon and appear to be remote controlled from a central location.

Having seemingly done away with John "Son of the Gods" Thesson, whom they view as their only credible opposition, the Invincible Five proceed with their master plan: world conquest through intimidation and mass destruction. Various governments are given the opportunity to surrender peacefully then given the business when they refuse.

(side note: these are some good hoods on the Invincible Five. The simple faces sketched on the front are a nice change from all of those regular-style hoods we usually see)

Unsurprisingly, the leader of the Invincible Five is Burton, the sour-faced industrialist who turns up to advise FDR to surrender. Presumably at least some of his companions are also in on the scheme.

It turns out that it was a good idea to try to kill John Thesson, because he ends up single-handedly taking down the entire operation by the simple expedient of punching people and things until the Submaplanes are grounded and the Invincible Five are in hand. Remember: if the only thing that stands between you and complete world domination is one person and you're pretty sure that they're dead: double check.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 592: ORRO

(Exciting Comics 006, 1940)

The Space Rovers are Ted Hunt and Jane Martin, two young adults whose dads built a spaceship and who were compelled to steal that ship rather than see it and its ray cannon fall into the nefarious hands of some ambiguously foreign spies. Subsequently, they have just the worst luck at getting back to Earth, with each issue of Exciting Comics featuring some space danger that derails their progress.

This time around they come across another spaceship in the Asteroid Belt, seemingly dead in space. Upon boarding they find a bunch of solid gold statues in unpleasant poses.

Suddenly, an alien! This is Orro, a very cool space monster with a stupid and sinister plan: hang out in the middle of nowhere one of the more hazardous places in the Solar System until fellow space travellers happen upon his spacecraft and investigate, then use his special gas to turn them to gold. Then, once this has happened enough times, Orro will simply melt down all of the statues and be rich forever!

Setting aside the morality of the whole situation... surely logistically it would be far easier to buy a few cows or the alien equivalent than to just wait an unknowable amount of time for space travellers who may or may not be coming (and that's assuming that every passing spaceship would even bother to check out a seeming derelict. What of the space-cowards, Orro?). Even if you have no problem with murder, victims must be easier to source on a planetary surface, right? Plus, you can have access to TV and take-out food while you perpetuate evil.

The greatest surprise and betrayal of the entire story is not that there is a murderous gold-hungry alien lurking on a derelict ship preying on the altruistic and curious but that the cool-looking alien murderer is actually just a bald guy.

One small comfort to salve my disappointed soul is the fact that though Orro is not in fact a cool green tentacle alien, he is almost certainly an alien of some kind, as the Space Rovers have in their travels discovered human-shaped aliens on Mercury, Venus, Mars and the asteroid Ceres and are about to meet the same on the Jovian moon Ganymede and on Jupiter itself. Orro could be from just about anywhere (okay probably not Mercury or Venus or Ceres based on observed tech levels but any of the rest).

Ted and Jane manage to subdue Orro during an attack by Ganymedean space pirates and doesn't actually make it to the second half of the story as he is killed by a stray ray cannon blast - an unusual time for such a distinctive villain to die, but I suppose he was surplus to requirements in the ensuing capture by and escape from the pirate fleet. 

Farewell to Orro: you may have over-complicated a plan more than anyone else on this blog.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 591: THE CULT OF DEATH

(Exciting Comics 006, 1940)

The Cult of Death comes into conflict with adventurer Ted Crane and his pals as they look for their associate, Egyptologist Dr Turner, in Luxor. Despite its very evocative name, the Cult of Death seems to sort of broadly worship the concept of Ancient Egypt and resent those who would pry into its secrets - Dr Turner has in fact been killed by them for seeking the lost tomb of King Mephtet.

Does the cult's leader Phator shares his followers' beliefs? It's up for debate, but whether it is for the glory of the Cult of Death or that of himself he seeks to drive the colonial forces out of Egypt and assume control.

For unclear reasons the keystone of Phator's plane is the destruction of the Aswan Dam (or "Assuan Dam" as it is called here), which, granted, would flood part of Egypt. How exactly that would lead to the Cult of Death's ascension to power is never spelled out.

It's a moot point anyway, as Phator has sent his two most clownish dunces to place the bomb on the dam and they end up not only blowing themselves up but only flooding the region that the Temple of Death is located in. The entire Cult is wiped out save fore Phator himself, who must face colonial justice on his own.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 590: THE SUBMARINE GANG

(Exciting Comics 005, 1940)

The Submarine Gang get dealt a very bad hand: although they are a successful and feared group of submarine pirates who have been terrorizing shipping in the New York area, they have the misfortune of being lead by corrupt City Commissioner Lupine, who is dumb enough not only to conduct gang business while hosting a large and well-attended party at his home but to do so in the context of the Sphinx operating out of the same city as them. And while you might argue that Lupine would have no reason to suspect that the Sphinx might be a guest at his high-society party... the guy wears a tuxedo all the time. You have to at least assume he's going to party.

Thus, the Submarine Gang is undone before they really get going. Sure the characters in the story talk about how they've raided this or that ship in the past, but their in-story appearance is 100% the process of them blundering into a trap set by the Sphinx and the cops.

Just a complete failure of leadership and information security. Those poor pirates deserved better.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 589: THE TANKONAUT

(Exciting Comics 005, 1940)

Stretching the definition of "super-villain" to the very limits here: the Tankonaut is a superweapon developed by US arms manufacturer M.V. Gage under contract to a man who is very clearly meant to be Hitler but is referred to only as the Dictator. Whether this would have qualified as treason in mid-to-late 1940 is beyond me but the next part, where the Tankonaut is tested on US targets (including Washington DC!) extremely is.

Not only does the Tankonaut have an excellent name (100% the only reason it made the grade as an entry here, even under my already very loose policies about super-vehicles) but it has a neat gimmick: it isn't a tank at all! Rather, it is a big beefy truck that carries around its own armour plating and weaponry for rapid deployment/ quick and sneaky escape! It's a neat variation on the old "drive the crime vehicle into the back of a truck" scheme for the truck to actually be the crime vehicle.

Unfortunately for M.V. Gage and the Tankonaut, John Thesson, the Son of the Gods, is on the case. He discovers the Tankonaut's secret identity of A Truck by the simple expedient of flipping it over with a long pole. As usual, once the super vehicle has been disabled the non-super humans are quickly rounded up.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 588: THE MASK

(Exciting Comics 004, 1940) 

Famed Broadway star Sandra Cummings is dead, either by her own hand or anothers', and she has for some never explained reason left behind a note detailing the extent of political corruption in NYC and more importantly naming the names of those involved. This note is immediately stolen and soon afterward someone pretending to be the Mask starts extorting and murdering those named in the note.

I've said it before: impersonating a super-hero is completely understandable move. It's easy to disguise yourself as someone in a mask and your average comic book cop is so dumb and gullible that they would arrest the Pope if they found a dead body with a note reading  "I did it - the Pope" next to a red shoe. You get to trade on your target's reputation and maybe have them arrested or killed - win/win!

Of course, there are many downsides to this plan, and the Mask impostor fails to think of all of them. For a start, any masked vigilante worth their salt will never be caught by the cops. As has been established, they are very dumb! Also - and I cannot stress this enough - if you are going to frame and ultimately attempt to kill a super-hero it is a very good idea not to choose one who kills people. Because they will probably kill you.

The fake Mask turns out to be Dr Lawrence Reid, a guy who just kind of shows up an makes a lot of noise about things. If he has any deeper motivations (other than to get real paid) he does not bother to reveal them before the real Mask guns him down like a trademark infringing dog.