MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 647: THE MONK

(Fight Comics 008, 1940)

I like to criticize scientist-villains a lot for their limited vision, for their inability to see the legitimate money-making options they have after inventing say a super-efficient tunnel digging machine that they view solely as a way to rob banks easily. The Monk is the opposite of that kind of guy, I reckon.

(brief aside about the name: this is not in reference to the religious calling but rather the old-school, now-defunct gangster nickname, where "Monk" is short for "monkey". Which seems like a thing that actual people did do at one point? Call monkeys monks? I only have comic book dialogue to go by, so what do I know)

The Monk and his gang have developed an advanced rocket artillery that can deliver a high explosive shell at great distance. A great start! Not the most ethical thing that you could spend your time inventing but sure to sell! The only problem is that a) the shells won't explode unless a lever inside them is pulled while en route and b) the Monk is either unwilling or unable to come up with a second solution after "load each shell with a captured lumberjack" proves successful.

I mean, using a human does work, I'll give him that, but even as a non-weapons designer I can spot a couple of flaws: 1) you are artificially limiting your customer base to evil governments willing to spend either their own troops or a constant supply of political prisoners to arm their weaponry and 2) even the most heinous and bloodthirsty warmonger will eventually wonder just what guarantee they have that every person will pull the lever. And sure, you could develop a system to brainwash lumberjacks or a method of remotely compelling arm motion but at that point why not just build a got-danged timing mechanism?

It is at this point that we must acknowledge that this has been an academic discussion, as the Monk's greatest mistake was capturing Big Red McLane (Fletcher Hanks' third or fourth best character but one dedicated mostly to low-stakes lumberjack gangsterism) and so gets fatally punched off of a cliff. Be more careful next time, Monk! And buy a book on lateral thinking or something, sheeesh.

CREEPS OF THE WORLD: THE TERMITE MEN

(Fight Comics 008, 1940)

No origin or motivation for the Termite Men is provided. They just burrow up through the basement of Rip Regan, Power-Man and declare their intent to destroy San Francisco via chewing. Probably San Francisco - that's where Power-Man started out but the slow process of comic book urban alchemy might have already transferred him to New York.

Anyway, he ends up gassing them all to death.

CREEPS OF THE WORLD: THE WALRUS MEN

(Fight Comics 006, 1940) 

In terms of comic book creeps, a race of seven-foot tall barbarians with walrus tusks (and mustaches!) waylaying travellers in the mountains of Tibet are hardly remarkable, and yet I quite like them. I am charmed by their simplicity.

Plus, they move things around the mountains on what can only be described as a giant toboggan, a very silly thing to do!

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 646: THE LIZARD

(Fight Comics 006, 1940)

The Lizard was (will be?) the leader of a group of Grotonian spies working to sabotage the military of Greater America in the far-off future year of 1998 AD. He had (will have?) the pretty clever idea of being arrested as a petty thief and running his operation from inside a jail cell but unfortunately for his reputation as a smart guy he then fell for the most obvious trick in the world when Saber the Spy Fighter, head of Greater American Super Intelligence, was put in his cell for an unstated crime and in full super-power granting uniform and casually "allowed himself to be recruited to the Grotonian cause.".

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 645: SNEELY

(Fight Comics 004, 1940)

Kinks Mason is deep sea fishing with some friend when one of them lands a swordfish that is covered in gold and jewels! Just where did these riches come from? The answer is unguessable!

Upon reaching the ocean floor, Kinks discovers that the swordfish was covered in pirate gold, and furthermore, he finds the pirate! Sneely (Pirate Terror of the Seven Seas, the Great, the Magnificent) is an old-time pirate who claims that he drank a magic potion that allowed him to live seemingly indefinitely underwater and who guards his ill-gotten treasure both personally and with a school of trained swordfish. Is attaining near-immortality and then spending it guarding a pile of shiny metal that only has value if you actually spend it on something a huge waste? Indeed it is! It's absolute dragon behaviour is what it is.

Sneely is exactly the kind of weird wild completely un-fleshed-out villain that you get for a character like Kinks Mason who a) isn't one of the real top-tier guys in the book he appears in and b) has a niche role. Every issue, Kinks dives into the ocean for 5 to 8 pages and he has to find a challenge to overcome down there and sometimes it's a, immortal amphibious pirate with the world's most Xtreme Hoarding Problem. 

Probably the best thing about Sneely is the one that never got capitalized on: that he's seemingly still alive at the end of the story, as Kinks Mason just konks him on the head with a thighbone before making off with the treasure. And while an immortal amphibious pirate squatting on a pile of gold at the bottom of the ocean is a bit of an underwhelming idea for a comic book, an immortal amphibious pirate who Wants His Treasure Back is a cool recurring enemy. I say BRING BACK Sneely, in concept if not as an actual character.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 644: THE SKULL

(Fight Comics 003, 1940)

This Skull is a smuggler notable only for his name and for being the first foe of Rip Regan, the Power-Man. I do appreciate the fact that these three panels are his only actual appearance in the story and they are exclusively concerned with him attempting to run away like a filthy coward.

SKULL SCORE: A generous 1/5 for a somewhat cadaverous face.

MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 643: THE MASTER

(Fight Comics 003, 1940)

Kinks Mason is back on the case! And just what sub-oceanic mystery is he attempting to solve by just wandering around underwater? Why, it's Just Where is All the Salt Going? And somewhat astonishingly, he figures it out almost immediately: it's going into this building.

The building turns out to belong to a race of ocean-dwelling humanoids referred to only as the Amphibians, though I can't imagine that that's what they call themselves. I kind of appreciate how generic their design is, like a greatest hits of underwater humanoid features with the single eye added on for flair.

The Amphibians are ruled by the Master, who similarly is a fairly generic comic book undersea ruler villain: he and his people have developed some cool offensive technology and are now out to conquer the surface world. The most intriguing thing about this whole setup is just what all the salt is for - I kept hoping that everything would be powered by a big glowing salt crystal but no such luck. 

(Also the Amphibians refer to their tech as a "poison ray" but later it seems to be a generic ray gun, and while I of course appreciate an evocative name I would much prefer to see a ray gun - preferably salt-powered -  poison a guy)

Kinks Mason is of course not going to stand for this sort of nonsense and so for the second time in as many issues he possibly wipes out an intelligent underwater species, this time using stray torpedoes from all of the partially-destroyed submarines littering the seafloor around the Amphibians' base. Do adventure heroes ever have crises of conscience about this kind of thing?